So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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