you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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