Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
