Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Enjoy the penises
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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