I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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