I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The air taste purple.
Randomize
