All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
