this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
