she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
