I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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