can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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