smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
