when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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