I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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