no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
