Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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