Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
love makes seman taste better
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
