There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
