Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
