he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
