:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
