I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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