it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
