Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
