the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
