you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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