he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
