Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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