Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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