I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
