He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
