she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
