he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
