i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
