I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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