my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
