It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
