I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
