Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
