she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
