You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
