Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
