Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
