you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
