it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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