After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
