How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
