Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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