its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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