if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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