Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
bring money and cleavage
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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